Zoran

zornrot @ 2006-08-15T23:08:00

2006-08-16T06:13:30Z

On a side note... due to a wonderful co-incidence with how an e-mail filter was original created many years ago, anonymous posts to my LiveJournal are not automatically forwarded to my phone.

I would have been dying of curiosity had I been out and had my phone go of so ridiculously. Fortunately, I got to read it all at once. And anything new that is added will be waiting for me in the morning.

Ohh! It's going to be like christmas!

I'll leave some milk and cookies out for you bitches. Hope I don't get any coal in my stockings.

zornrot @ 2006-08-15T22:57:00

2006-08-16T06:08:07Z

Everyone, please calm down. If you're interested in hurting me you're going to have to use tactics beyond those you've learned in middle school.

Simply copying and pasting numerous articles does nothing to scratch my veneer of self. Linking to shock pictures which I have already seen and laughed about before does not make me question who I am as a person. Large marquees scrolling single words and phrases do nothing at all.

The truth is that you're all a bunch of bitches. You put zero effort into mounting a really offensive offense. Where are the truths about me that you've learned from Kelly to throw back in my face. Where are all the secrets I've shared with her that you proclaim to the people in my friend's list which I don't want anyone to know? Where are the statements which comprimise my integrity?

They're nowhere around because you all lack any real merit in life. You're all as weak as the shock factor of tubgirl.

Now, for something a bit more real... what went down went down for a reason. Both Kelly and I made some gross miscalcuations about where the other was standing. I do not want your sympathy, but one of you has already suggested she's dishonest in the events which occured before she came to Arizona.

Kelly, I just wish you had been more honest with yourself. I wish you could have seen through the flowers and the way that I talked with you on AIM that I was still keen on you. I don't throw words like love around so carelessly; and I would have really appreciated to have been able to sort through the fact that you were not interested in continuing a relationship without you sitting on the sofa beside me.

Just remember that I showed you the beauty of Arizona when I loved you and the horror of myself when you made it perfectly clear that there was nothing left to salvage between us.

zornrot @ 2006-08-15T09:11:00

2006-08-15T17:14:58Z

The compelling idea of the day is a powerful one. At once it both explains a great stress in my life and gives me an idea of how I can overcome a hefty road-block.

I'm a resentful bastard. It all stems from the first time someone used me to their advatange with little regard for the effect it would have on me. I may never get over it really... but more dastardly, I find that I'm left feeling as though I've been a stepping stone whenever a relationship or friendship ends.

As I'm not an artist who can visually create an image, I will try to describe what I see within my mind.

There's a river. On the left side of the river there is a little valley surrounded by nearly vertical cliffs. The mountain is soft and not imposing, but at the same time it's adamant in how the only exit for the valley is across the river. The valley is bright, but there is no direct sunlight, it is completely overcast through the entire valley.

The valley is lush with grass, ferns, and lichen. There are a couple of shady trees, but there is no fruit on any of them. Animals within the valley include flightless birds, foal, and large sloths.

Across the river from the valley is the forrest. It is a forrest that grows in density as it expands into the background across rolling hills which are building up to snow covered peaks. In the distance, the trees are primarily pine trees and are green. Near the banks, fall shows itself with trees bearing yellow and red leaves. Many of these leaves have fallen to the ground already and appear as a carpet leading into the forrest.

There continues to be overcast lighting on this side as well, but there are brilliant streaks of light which illuminate various sections of the forrest from breaks in the clouds.

Above the forrest, an eagle is flying and also a vulture. There is a majestic horse in front of the forrest among other animals.

The river itself is wide and mostly calm. There are a few sections which appear treacherous, but most imposing is the apparent distance which needs to be crossed.

I'm there, crossing the river, my left foot reaching off the shore and on the first stone. Beside me is a woman with purple hair, reaching out with her right foot. We're both holding each other for balance. We're both wearing bright colors.

She's looking to me with an expression of hope at me.

I'm looking downstream into the water at the reflection we're making. She's not reflected and I can only see myself. A darker image of myself is the only reflection I can see. It's twisted and distorted and it appears as though the woman's foot is stepping on the sole of my reflected foot.

On my non-reflected face there is an expression of hopelessness and on the reflected face, there is a clear expression of resentment.

zornrot @ 2006-05-29T07:56:00

2006-05-29T15:06:48Z

Days like this, this three and a half day weekend, often make me wonder if I keep the clutter around me, that burdens me so, if only to just keep the mantle of purpose above my head.

I honestly think I fear the idea of not having anything to do more than the fear of not getting what I need to get done. Maybe I'm just afraid of evolving.

After all, what is the purpose of evolving more when I already feel as though I'm incredibly divergent from the people around me; the people who I want to come closer.

It's holidays like this that really put on an edge on the Thanksgiving/Christmas holiday season. Why it is so damned important that I be invited along for those holidays, but not this lengthy three-day holiday where absolutely no one has reached out to me at all. No one has so much as said hello, save for a few IM conversations which were not all that spectacular.

I suppose there's a great deal of burden on me with the thought that I could change all this if I just went out and mingled and preened, but that's not really what I like or want. Hell, that's what I loved about going out to gay clubs and bars back-in-the-day. The whole pressure to meet someone was removed and I could instead tap into the boundless energy of people who were casting off the cloaks of normal appearance and dancing in the view of hundreds who thought similar thoughts.

Where is my club? Where do I find people like me? Or is everyone like me stuck at home, frustrated, torn between pointless work for work or pointless work for home?

zornrot @ 2006-04-15T12:58:00

2006-04-15T19:58:25Z

Need to start a conversion with someone you haven't spoken to in a while?

"You're quieter than a Scientologist giving birth."

zornrot @ 2006-04-12T20:10:00

2006-04-13T03:10:52Z

Ooh, a new icon... thank you Lisa.

zornrot @ 2006-04-03T06:50:00

2006-04-03T13:57:15Z

Now that Daylight Savings Time has been springed forwad upon us, I look to the Wikipedia for some solace.

However, there was less than none to be found there.

My love is an hour further away from me and why? Why!? I cry. (I'm still not talking about you Wonka)

Turns out it's the fault of airconditioning:

The reasons are simple: Having everyone come home from work an hour earlier to turn on or turn down their apartment or home's central air conditioner would cost the state a prohibitively large amount of money. However, many homes on the reservations have only a swamp cooler, if even that. Source

It really amazes me that this passes for good science. Daylight Savings Time is a bunch of ho-ha which amounts to little more than national doublethink. If they can trick us so easily with the tme... what else are they tricking us with already?

God damn it, that quote infuriates me. Like we don't leave the A/C on all day long anyway so that the house is temperate when we reutrn. Gag me with a fucking spoon already.

Self Portraits

2006-04-03T04:44:51Z

zornrot @ 2006-04-02T20:39:00

2006-04-03T04:15:37Z

The past is nothing, if not entertaining:

Once a snob... always a snob.

just cause

2006-04-02T02:41:26Z

Detoxing

2006-04-01T04:03:52Z

I'm desperately at odds with myself right now.

The idea was that I'd post a winding and raucous post about how much I'm beginning to believe that drama is a drug.

The irony though, is that such embellishment is fundamentally where I think my weakness to drama as a drug lies. Fundamentally, I'm stuck wanting to make a mountain out of this tiny molehill of an analogy. Ha.. how fitting life truly can be.

I've been flirting with misery and doom this whole week. The world is crashing around me, but it's a slow lesson to learn that it's not crashing into me. I'll make it through the problems I see around me at work, not because I'm a survivor, but instead, I'll make it through because my role and purpose has not changed very much at all. Fundamentally... nothing is wrong with my life.

I want to say that I'm proud of myself... but it's like wanting to be proud of remembering to shower in the morning. I appreciate it, and I'm sure the people around me appreciate it, but all it takes is 10 extra minutes of not stressing. Why haven't I always been like this? And who put velcro on my shoes?

zornrot @ 2006-03-13T20:47:00

2006-03-14T03:48:12Z

Did you see what God just did to us, man?

zornrot @ 2005-01-05T20:01:00

2005-01-06T03:01:33Z

I want to re-arrange all the furniture in my house.

zornrot @ 2004-12-24T19:50:00

2004-12-25T02:50:38Z

Wow... I feel so lonely.

More than anything, I wish I had a friend who could come over and drink the evening away with me. Someone who likes hard drinks and who could banter on and on with me about politics and pop music. I have that fantasy about having candles flicker as our conversation digresses to hit a million points in a single evening.

I suppose it's a false fantasy. It really feels sometimes as though the only people who can keep up with me, keep up with me as a symptom to a greater problem.

My perfect friend tonight would need to be anti-family. He would either be shunned or dis-enchanted with family at the very least. He would have to be someone who had absolutely no reason to even try allowing the hospitality of others during this season.

My perfect friend would also need to be an alcoholic. And it isn't just because I'm a heavy drinker; there are just too few people who drink for the same reasons I do. Drinking is like a marathon, it's a way that I push my body and my mind. And as my analog for marathoning, I know that I'll hit that drinker's high. Too few people in my life now understand this. Perhaps it's only an alcoholic that ever would.

My perfect friend would most likely also be a drug addict. There's a lot to be said for some of the drug addicts I've known. There's something driven about and addict that transcends just the simple addiction. Every criminal has an edge. Everyone who hides maintains a certain distance from complacency. There's a zest and a panache that I sorely miss. In ways similiar to how I think it takes an alcoholic to keep up with me drinking, it takes coke for a person to keep up with me mentally.

I never bothered doing coke simply because I didn't need it. I also don't like messy activities; and coke is but a few hairs cleaner of an activity than pot smoking is. My fast thinking puts people off. I want to change topics too quickly or people don't trust that we'll come back to finish what we began. I hurt people's feelings because I grow impatient.

I don't really mean for this to come across as miserable as it might sound, it's just what I'm thinking at the moment. These aren't really the types of people that I want to have in my life anymore. This is the plainest reason why they're no longer in my life. These people will hurt me and the people around me. It's their very nature.

This sympathy I have for people who push and derail themselves far beyond the norm feels like a choking fist being rammed down my throat. This tendancy for sympathy translates, more often than not, into a lack of patience for more normal people around me. My switch has just been set faster... isn't that all it is? My gears will gnash against your's, but telling me to slow down is just as difficult as telling you to speed up.

There's always this feeling as though people take what I think my greatest ailments are and project them back to me as graces and virtues. Because of this, I have to relate these virtues back unto the pits of human despair. Look at what a somber, adjusted, and intelligent peson I dream to spend time with tonight.

I suppose the cherry on the cake is that I once had friends like this. And if moderation was ever such a thing for those people, I'd regret having lost them. Until such a time when I can visit without staying, I'll just let my heart drift towards sentimentalism when isolation and fatigue push my body into a quasi-fuge, to which I know that no one I currently have in my life would be able to interact with me in any enjoyable fashion.

zornrot @ 2004-12-23T19:40:00

2004-12-24T02:40:06Z

it saddens me to think that enough people think that this is in any way an acceptable way to capture the image of Aeon Flux in a live action movie.

I saw the first picture a while ago but just dimissed it as inherent to the scene being filmed. But seeing as it's Christmas--and Christmas is about being let down--it is becoming obvious that the movie is going to suck major balls. There's nothing about Charlize's image that harkens to Aeon Flux what-so-ever. Her face is too round and her hair is merely black and a bit longer in the front. Is that really all they could afford to do?

If we can replace guns with cell-phones, why couldn't this production have a bit more ambition than it currently seems to have.

Oh well... in truth, I suppose it really doesn't matter. Aeon Flux has been shit on for years. My truest hope from all this is really just that they will make a box set of the MTV show and sell it on DVD before the movie opens. If having to endure the complete bastardization of the story to get this... I suppose it will be worth the trouble.

zornrot @ 2004-11-25T11:36:00

2004-11-25T18:36:23Z

Man... it got tricked.

After all of these years of not having immediate family nearby, and constanly getting those solicitations to join people for Thanksgiving and Christmas time celebrations, I thought I had my "no, I don't need your pity" filter set pretty well.

However, this year it wasn't presented as "because you have no one else around" or "because we hate to think of people being alone" and so I agreed because it was just like being invited out to any other dinner. Right?

Wrong.

Oh, you got me this year. But next year don't think you can pull the same trick on me again! I'll be ready.

zornrot @ 2004-11-24T16:40:00

2004-11-24T23:40:25Z

The best thing I've read all week:

"Sleep is no substitute for caffeine"

zornrot @ 2004-11-21T09:16:00

2004-11-21T16:16:41Z

*OPEN* *OPEN* *OPEN*

Yesterday we went hunting around Best Buys to see if there were any that were selling the DS early.

We hit both in Scottsdale and the new Chandler Best Buy. Alas, there were none out. There were demo units at all locations, which was cool, and at the Indian Bend store there were DS accessories and games out on display.

Interestingly enough, I found a link to GameSpot when I cam home. It's the second paragraph that's killing me.

WHY NOT ME??!?!?!

zornrot @ 2004-11-12T20:43:00

2004-11-13T03:52:57Z

I was leaving a message on Lori's voice mail earlier today. For background, it is important to know that I had just been speaking with Wonka while he was half-asleep. Our conversation was rather lucid and he wasn't that able to keep up with wat is usually a very snappy and witty volley of comments and references. After that I called someone whom I haven't spoke with in quite some time, and got her voice mail. I left a rather long-winded voice mail message, as I am perhaps known to do. Though it was more because I wanted to remind her of the time that I told her that I found her nostrils to be horribly non-symmetrical.

So, after this I called Lori to finalize plans, and got her voice mail. I rambled on through the voice mail. At this point, I was desperate for interaction while I was driving home on the 101. While leaving this message, I hit upon what I consider to be one of my best ideas ever.

This idea far exceeds my idea for the ultimate in dollar discount stores: The Canadian Dollar Store.

Here's what I need to find the venture capital to do: I want to make a voice mail system that prompts the person leaving the voice mail with "uh-huh" and "yeah" when it detects that the person is hesitating. We could also program it to say "you don't say" when there was a barrage of speaking and a abrupt end. Or maybe we could get it to detect when someone was crying and it could say "calm down, I can't understand you when you're talking like this."

Ohh! Then I could sell it at the Canadian Dollar Store... since I'm probably the only person who wants to have prompting during his hour long voice mail messages.

zornrot @ 2004-11-07T10:07:00

2004-11-07T17:07:26Z

Ha... here's something for all those prophesiers of doom who also umm... just happen to be ever-so-tragically single. It's kind of cool really. Just imagine getting involved with someone who will endlessly be in agreement with you that America sucks.Why stay here talking to Americans with even a shred of pride in their country? We all know that it's only a matter of time until the corporate brainwashing has us forgetting what was so obvious just a few weeks ago.

MarryAnAmerican - Homepage - No good American will be left behind!
Ladies and gentlemen, drop your borders. Now that George W. Bush has been officially elected, single, sexy, American liberals - already a threatened species - will be desperate to escape. These lonely, afraid (did we mention really hot?) progressives will need a safe haven. - 6k - Nov 5, 2004 -
http://www.marryanamerican.ca/

I mean... let's face it. We just got Served on a national level. It's like we were given a choice of tables at Denny's, but just over a smidgen of the group went for the table on the right said of the restaurant.They thought it'd be safe--there was a rumour of there being WMD's on the other side--but there's no ketchup at the table we're sitting. Even if the service does improve, what are we going to put on our fries? Mayo? Vinegar? Will we even be American in that regard?

Halliburton Ketchup! Is that what our children are going to have to live with?

I don't know about you... but I could never live in a world with chuncky ketchup or ketchup made in Mexico.

*sniff* We're *sob* so... ever so very... *sniff* FUCKED *sob* eh?

zornrot @ 2004-11-04T19:58:00

2004-11-05T02:58:47Z

I'm in a hibernation mode of sorts... if it wasn't already apparent.

I have this new job, but it's not really that it's changing me. It's not that I think I'm better than anything I was before. It's really just that it's so much. It's not that it's stressful really, because I don't see it that way. It's just so incredibly engaging.

Back in August, I still worked my 10 hour shift with a 3 hour lunch. It was easy, and I had that 3 hour block of time to fill with whatever I wanted. Work did not engage me much and I was constantly thinking about other things. Or I was reading or socializing.

But now... it's all be oppositized.

I don't really feel like I socialize that much anymore. Or perhaps, it's just that I don't have anyone to gossip about anymore. I don't really work in that teenage environment. People are pretty focused and are working in a career. I'm pretty close to that now too, I guess. It's a different feeling. Nearly everyone I work with has a family and children and so many of those things going on.

I really can't sympathize with that. And I don't think I would want to anyway.

I don't really know who my peoples are anymore. With as little as I have ever felt belonging, I really just want a small group to be involved with. There are some fond memories of what were essentially cliques from years ago. But cliques are very highschool.

I don't know... maybe I'm just doing things backwards.

zornrot @ 2004-11-02T20:24:00

2004-11-03T03:24:11Z

I get so fucking tired of politics.

zornrot @ 2004-10-24T22:02:00

2004-10-25T05:02:05Z

Wow... leave it to American McGee to take something Carmack does and make it a million times better.

Check out http://www.scrapland.com/ . Finally a game that I'm really looking forward to. There's so much detail and so much activity going on in the demo levels. Whee.

zornrot @ 2004-10-11T22:47:00

2004-10-12T05:47:28Z

Ok... so this is going behind a cut because it's probably going to bother the sensibility of some people. Also, some people like to view things from work. And still more people, well... they'll probably be reading through their Friends List with their children in tow.

The other people... well, you're probably just wonder what's wrong with me.

Yesterday I was watching Bad Santa. I suppose I should really say that I finally got around to it. I liked a lot of what the movie was trying for, but it just didn't capture quite the mood that it was going for.

There was an abrasive little person though. He's totally what the blaxplotation rip-off of Austin Powers would need to use as a Mini-Me character. This is of course, only if Samuel L. Jackson is Dr. Evil.

But I digress.

The one thing I did learn from this movie is that even someone as nasty as Billy-Bob Thornton's character Willy can get laid--in spite of the fact that he's perpetually drunk and foul tempered--simply because he has the fortune to parade his santa outfit in front of a hot, Jewish, un-stacked bartender; who apparently is extracting revenge on either her childhood or her father--had the writing been better--and maybe a perverse idea that Jew's are envious of Christmas.

There's one charming scene in this film where Willy has holed himself up in the house of a child who reveres him as santa. His father is away serving a prison sentence for embezzlement and has abandoned his son to the care of his grandmother; a woman who is very daffy and continuously offers to make everyone sandwiches.

So Willy's got his lady-friend over--apparently the fact that he's a drunk can't out sway her santa fetish--and they are engaging in quite the silly foreplay. Now, I guess he's really not altogether that much of a drunk... because he's being very sweet and tender with her. Great writing there... *click* *click* *click* Glenn Ficarra and John Requa. I applaud you.

Moments after the scene in question, the little boy walks in to tenderly give his present to who he believes to be santa. It's blood stained from when he was carving...

Wait!
Wait a god-damned second.

This has nothing to do with the story or the movie at all. It's just the actors and the camera shot and something I noticed.

So check it out. Here's to all those who have ever wished they were Angelina Jolie. Thank you for making christmas that much less enjoyable FOREVER.

To be even more of a jerk, I'd like to point out the fact that her ribcage is nearly as tall as her breasts.

Now, when I saw this the first time, I was a bit surprised. It seemed as though a bit more was exposed than Lauren Graham may have wanted to show.

If you don't know, something that absolutely hate is when two people are chatting online, a question comes up, and no one makes any effort to search Google for the answer or to cross-reference their conjectures.

How hard is a little research?

That being said... I stopped the frame and zoomed in.

As the camera crested her ribcage, I discovered I was right in noticing something was there.

I was a bit confused though. That doesn't really look what I was expecting--well, hoping--for it to be.

Perhaps this would have all been hidden, had her hips not been shooting out of her body like some over-zealous attempt at replacing the World Trade Center towers.

Hmm... more zooming.

Now, what is that? I'm assuming that it's either a maxi-pad of some kind; the flightless kind. But more intriguing is the thought that it's a mere scrap of paper designed to protect this actress' dignity while Billy-Bob wraps his maw around her underwear.

The latter option is by far the more appealing option. It makes me giggle to think that if this actress is married or involved she would maybe have an uncomfortable moment while they watched her latest job. "You weren't enjoying that... were you, babe?" he'd ask. "No," she'd say, "not at all. Billy's actually quite a gross man." "He didn't.... touch you... did he? He seems really into you here. I mean like how did he know to do that. Did you tell him to do that? I did that with you... and now I see it in the movie," he would continue. "Listen dear. My agent tried to remove this scene from the script. He thought it was beneath me. And in the negotiations, the threatened to bring in a girl who had bigger breasts instead. You don't understand how hard this kind of thing is to get out of. And as for telling them your moves... well, let's just say it's so much worse than that. Billy leans over to me before the camera starts rolling and decided to let me know that he was going to just going to show me what it is that makes, and I quote, 'a bitch want to wear my blood around her neck,'" she'd defend herself. He'd sulk back and she'd be all, "look moron. If you pause the frame right here you can see that I covered myself. I'm a bit embarrassed that it ended up in the movie... but it's worth it if you come to trust me more." He'd reply, "WAIT a second. You were on the rag while he was doing that shit? I wouldn't put it past a sick fuck like him to PREFER you while you were bleeding. FUCK!(@#*@!#) I'm out of here!"

Oh man... now I'm all wondering how cool it would be if it was like a 10 dollar bill, wrapped around a note telling Billy-Bob to get a hooker and that she would not be his wife number 13.

Yeah, I like that one best. ^_^

zornrot @ 2004-10-11T20:56:00

2004-10-12T03:55:57Z

hooray for new cameras